You Know You're From Arizona When...

This seems to be the latest rage among Muslim bloggers, to comment on these "You Know You're From..." lists, so I thought I'd give a try. Although I haven't lived in Arizona in almost four years, I still have family there and I get my daily e-mail of Arizona Republic headlines. Anyhoo...

You've signed so many petitions to recall governors you can't remember the name of the incumbent.
A cheap shot. The only significant petition drive to recall a governor was back in the Evan Mecham days (late 1980s). And the current governor is Janet Napolitano.

You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
Not true, but I understand why people might think this. :)

You no longer associate bridges or rivers with water.
Of course! Most of the rivers are dammed to provide drinking and irrigation water. Duh!

You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.
For me, this is an "of course." When I first moved to Arizona, some of my dorm's common rooms were cooled down by swamp coolers. However, air conditioners have become so commonplace that I doubt many people new to Arizona (or the younger generation) are familiar with them.

You can hear the weather forecast of 115 degrees without flinching.
It's only when it gets to about 120 that you start to flinch. ;)

You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour...and it will be over 100 degrees.
Heh. In August 1979, I went to the Grand Canyon. Just outside the park entrance, there were still patches of snow on the ground; on the way back home, we could see snow falling on the San Francisco Peaks. And, yes, it was well above 100 degrees back in Phoenix.

You discover, in July it only takes two fingers to drive your car, because your steering wheel is so hot.
July? Try May! Who are you trying to kid? ;)

You can make sun tea instantly.
More or less. Something more appropriate might be how many sun tea jars one sees on any given summer day.

You run your a/c in the middle of winter so you can use your fireplace.
I never lived in any building that had a fireplace, but there were a few days in some Decembers where I'd have been tempted to light a fireplace if I had one.

The best parking is determined by shade.....not distance.
Absolutely!

You realize that "Valley Fever" isn't a disco dance.
Duh! Most newcomers to Arizona are warned about Valley Fever fairly quickly.

Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.
Sometimes, yes.

It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation and yet all the streets are totally empty of both cars and people.
The only time I've ever seen Phoenix streets totally deserted was back in the spring of 1993, when the Suns made it to the NBA finals. (One of the playoff games was playing, but I was working at the office with some others, and we wanted some dinner. I drove to a Chinese take-out place, and the streets were absolutely deserted. Everyone was watching the game on TV. That was one of two times I ever saw Phoenix "dead.")

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
Duh!

Sunscreen is sold year round, kept right at the checkout counter.
More or less.

You put on fresh sunscreen just to go check the mail box.
Cute. Not true.

Some fools will market mini-misters for joggers and some other fools will actually buy them. Worse.....some fools actually try to jog.
Never seen the "mini-misters." And the real fools are those who make fun of Arizona joggers.

You know hot air balloons can't rise because the air temperature is hotter than the air inside the balloon.
Duh! That's why hot air balloons only fly during the winter in Arizona.

No one would dream of putting vinyl inside a car.
Absolutely! (Or buying a vinyl sofa, even.)

You see two trees fighting over a dog.
Cute.

You can say "Hohokam" and people don't think you're laughing funny.
Lame. Who's the f***in' loser who wrote this?

You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the Salt River.
True.

You have to go to a fake beach for some fake waves.
Big Surf. Lived in Arizona for 20 years, and never went there. It's more of a kids/teenager-kind of place.

You can pronounce"Saguaro", "Tempe", "San Xavier", "Canyon de Chelly", "Mogollon Rim", and "Cholla."
"Suh-war-oh," "Tehm-pee" (better get that one right, I used to live there :) ), "Sahn Zay-vee-yur," "Can-yon deh Shay," "Muh-gee-yohn (with a hard "gee," like the French name, Guy) Rim," and "Choy-yah."

You can understand the reason for a town named "Why."
Is there a Why, Arizona? I didn't know that. Where's your sense of Yuma? :)

You can fry an egg on the hood of a car IN THE MORNING!
Don't know about on the hood of a car, but trying to fry eggs on the sidewalk won't work. (Friends tried that.)

You hear people say "but it's a DRY heat!"
It is! And I miss it! Humidity sucks!

You buy salsa by the gallon.
Almost! ;)

Your Christmas decorations include sand and l00 paper bags.
Offensive! Only an ignorant Anglo would write something like this.

You think a red light is merely a suggestion.
Not true. But I wish more governments there would switch to a "lagging" left turn-signal.

All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October but clear out come the end of April.
Of course! We're the ones telling them not to come during the summer!

You think someone driving wearing oven mitts is clever.
I never used oven mitts for driving, but my woolly sheepskin driving wheel cover was a God-send.

Most of the restaurants in town have the first name "El" or "Los."
Exaggeration!

You think 60 tons of crushed red rock makes a beautiful yard.
With some nice cacti and other desert flora, it can make for a very beautiful yard. And you don't have to mow the "lawn" ever again. Loser!

Your house is made of stucco and has a red clay tile roof.
The red tile roof is commonplace enough (we even have red tile roofs here in S'pore). The "stucco" part is someone's imagination that Arizona homes haven't progressed out of the "Old West" days.

Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer.
Having owned two cars whose a/c's didn't work very well, I can definitely sympathize! :)

Most homes have more firearms than people.
Don't know about "most homes," but I once visited a guy's home long ago where there were prolly 75-100 guns of various shapes and sizes, what seemed like 10,000 rounds of ammo, and a nice, big German Shepherd. Hmmm, and yes, they had a fireplace too (and we lit it up as well).

Kids will ask, "What's a mosquito?"
Not quite true, but they're not that common there, thank God.

People who have black cars or black upholstery in their car are automatically assumed to be from out of-state or nuts.
At one job, when I was bored, I used to count the number of white cars in a parking lot that I could see from the office window. The percentage always came to about 40%. Black cars and Arizona don't mix.

You know better than to get into a car with leather seats if you're wearing shorts.
These leather seats must be in the black cars from the out of state nuts. :)

If you haven't worked for Motorola at some time, you must be a newcomer.
Never got a job there, although I did some temp work once for a company that had their offices located within a Motorola plant. Does that count? ;)

You can finish a Big Gulp in 10 minutes and go back for seconds.
No $hit! Ten minutes? When it's really hot and you're incredibly thirsty, try ten seconds!