You've Never Looked Smarter

One wonders exactly what this ad really means. This comes from a company called Allergan, which makes silicone breast implants. So, which definition of "smarter" should we use? Let's consider the various meanings to the word. I see only three that can possibly apply:

a: NEAT, TRIM (soldiers in smart uniforms) b: stylish or elegant in dress or appearance c (1): appealing to sophisticated tastes (2): characteristic of or patronized by fashionable society

If the woman had been dressed up in this photo, in a nice gown or woman's business suit, the ad's slogan might make sense for this particular meaning. But she's dressed too casually for this to be the case.


a: WITTY, CLEVER (a smart sitcom) b: PERT, SAUCY (don't get smart with me)

Variations on the ability to make certain types of comments. If this had been a TV ad, this meaning might have worked (we could see and hear the woman speaking).


a: mentally alert : BRIGHT b: KNOWLEDGEABLE c: SHREWD (a smart investment)

Getting breast implants will make a woman more intelligent? Uh, yeah, right. I really do think that this is the meaning the ad company wants you to get (bigger tits = bigger brains; "Gee, look at my breasts, I'm so smart now!"), but the third definition, "shrewd," is, I think, closest to the mark. Allergan's trying to suggest, IMO, that only smart girls will get breast implants because they know how much they stand to benefit (materially, sexually, etc.) from our breast-obsessed culture.

Dance: ten; Looks; three.
And I'm still on unemployment,
Dancing for my own enjoyment.
That ain't it, kid. That ain't it, kid.

"Dance: ten; Looks; three,"
I'd like to die!
Left the theater and
Called the doctor for
My appointment to buy...

Tits and ass.
Bought myself a fancy pair.
Tightened up the derrière.
Did the nose with it.
All that goes with it.

Tits and ass!
Had the bingo-bongos done.
Suddenly I'm getting nash'nal tours!
Tits and ass won't get you jobs
Unless they're yours.

Didn't cost a fortune neither.
Didn't hurt my sex life either.

Flat and sassy,
I would get the strays and losers.
Beggars really can't be choosers.
That ain't it, kid. That ain't it, kid.

Fixed the chassis.
"How do you do!"
Life turned into and
Endless medley of
"Gee it had to be you!"
Why?

Tits and ass!
Where the cupboard once was bare
Now you knock and someone's there.
You have got 'em, hey.
Top to bottom, hey.

It's a gas!
Just a dash of silicone.
Shake your new maracas and you're fine!
Tits and ass can change your life.
They sure changed mine.

Have it all done.
Honey, take my word.
Grab a cab, c'mon.
See the wizard on
Park and Seventy-Third
For

Tits and ass.
Orchestra or balcony.
What they want is whatcha see.
Keep the best of you.
Do the rest of you.

Pits or class.
I have never seen it fail.
Debutante or chorus girl or wife.

Tits and ass,
Yes, tits and ass
Have changed...
My...
Life...!
-- A Chorus Line: Dance: Ten; Looks: Three